The Trap of Seeking Approval

Recently I saw the question, "Why do we seek others' approval?" 
There are many answers that we could posit to this question, including the fact that we are social animals, that seek to be enjoined with our culture, society or the tribe that we see ourselves as belonging to.  We could also say that approval allows us a certain degree of well-being and sense of belonging, a sense of being a part of something larger than ourselves.  Also, we may say that without the approval of others, or society, we would not be able to meet our basic needs such as clothing, shelter, etc.  If we are cast out of our tribe, our chances of survival may be limited.
As we come into the vicinity of seeking what is true and real and lasting in ourselves, there comes a time when we see that the attempt to secure approval and shun disapproval has been at least only slightly successful, most likely though it has ended up a disaster.
The disaster that has arisen from seeking approval and shunning disapproval is that we have spent our energy and attention on protecting and defending and improving our 'selves' in the name of survival, or in the name of what needed to be done.  But the drive to protect oneself, or to seek approval is the by-product of egoic consciousness, the consciousness of ourselves as these limited bodies with their personalities,  etc.  The seeking of approval has been based on a sense of unworthiness, and a sense that, "if I am just loved enough, I'll be ok"  But we have to look deeply to honestly admit to ourselves how successful this effort really has been.  In all the attempts to secure approval and avoid disapproval, has it actually worked?
The trap of seeking approval is the  trap of trying to maintain and secure a 'somebody' that is purely a mental creation...an image, a version of one's self.  The trap is so subtle that we may not even be aware that it has happened, but if we look closely there is a very strong conditioning that seeks to gain approval, and avoid disapproval.  To consciously root out this conditioning is to stop directing attention at gaining approval for this 'somebody' that you are, and to stop avoiding disapproval of that 'somebody' that you think you are.  This is an invitation to die to the image you've created of yourself and to discover the silent spaciousness in your being that can never be approved of or disapproved of...it is eternally whole and complete.  That death can feel painful, it can burn, but it is the pain and the burn of liberation.

This Moment is Eternity

True fulfillment can only be discovered right now.  Fulfillment never exists in the past or future, and can never be recreated or imagined.  If we look very deeply, the attempt to secure a permanent and lasting fulfillment in the future is a subtle trap of the mind, as is trying to recreate a wonderful moment from the past.  No matter what our experience is, whether pleasurable or painful, it is always happening now.  We have lots of subtle ways of convincing ourselves that the past is real, or that the future is real....but it is only the present that is actually real and true. 
The paradox that we find ourselves in is that we must give up our delusions of the past and imaginations of the future to discover  the eternal nature of this moment now.  This means that we give up depending on memories of what was, and fantasies about what will be so that this moment can be seen as it really is--sublime.
The fantasies are alluring, attempting to recreate a past feeling or experience is very tempting, but if we are willing to not move to the past or future, we find that what was wanted by looking to the past or to the future is actually here right now.  The bliss, the clarity, the love is here now.  Even in the past when the blissful experience happened, it happened in the now. 
The trick of the mind is to look behind or to look ahead.  To stop looking for a moment is to find what it is you're really looking for.  It's not an experience, it's not a feeling, it's not an idea....it is simply This, Here, Now.  It is your very own Self. 
This moment is eternally satisfying until it becomes clouded by some want, some imagination, some fantasy.  Eternity is the simplest discovery of all, for it is the only thing that is always here.  It appears difficult because it so immaculately simple.  Just don't go anywhere, and you see that this eternal moment is more than you could ever want.

Identifying with Truth

As we begin to identify with the Truth of our Being, rather than our thoughts and conceptions of ourselves, a great wellspring of magic begins to flow out from the source within our very own Heart.  So long as we are busy identifying with our thoughts, and opinions, and perceptions,  that wellspring of wisdom and love remains hidden from the world. 
We seem to have such a deep distrust of our own Heart, that the idea of not relying on a conception or persona of ourselves feels like insanity.  The real insanity is that we overlook the joy and lightness of what we are, because we are so intent on maintaining ourselves.  To let go into Life is to identify complete with the Truth, the teachings, and perhaps the teacher.  This identification is not based on idea, not based on preference, or emotionality...and we know that because that identification comes with great tests, moments of burning, and great loss.  There is no way we will maintain that identification with the Truth in an authentic way when those challenges come unless it is completely real and authentic.
As you truly truly identify with the Truth of your being you lose yourself, but you gain what it is that you didn't even know you wanted. 

Reality Beyond Concept

When I use the word reality I often have people qualify my statement by adding 'your reality' to what I've said.  This is the very disease of the mind that I am seeking to illuminate in our time together.  Our minds tend to look at reality as 'your reality' and 'my reality'.  While I readily agree that you have your experience and I have mine, reality is not derived from your experience or mine at all.  Reality is what is constant for both you and I.  It is what our beliefs, ideas, opinions, and experiences exist within.  That is the Reality I'm talking about when I use the word.  Our discriminating mind wants to qualify that reality with characteristics, qualities, descriptions...but all these fall short of truly conveying the one living Reality from which all other realities manifest.  Trouble is, you can't conceptualize it, prove it, disprove it, own it, or even validate it in any way.  It is what needs no validation for Its existence, It is because it is. It is because without It there could be nothing.  It is. It is.

No Place to Land

Being skillful in the world means being empty of 'self' and giving confusion no place to land.  Only when we become solidified within ourselves can confusion and stupidity have a place to land, and once it's landed it begins to grow.  It grows until we can't stand our own skin, and then it blisters into such grossness that we finally begin to seek sanity. 
If we are skillful, we don't provide a warm climate for our confusion to grow, which means we see confusion for what it is, and give it no place within us to take root.  If we are suddenly insulted by somebody our normal, unskillful response is to defend ourselves...which means we first have to have a 'someone' to protect, and there has to be a ground for this insult and defensiveness to take place.
If we can realize the emptiness, the non-existence of that 'someone', we see the futility in defensiveness, and give insults, attacks, aggressions no place to land.  We are never seeing clearly when we feel insulted.  If we allow insult no place to land, we embody the nature of no-self with ease, clarity, and maybe a little fierceness.

The Image and Likeness

We are made in the image and likeness of the divine.  That does not mean that the divine is a human being with human features, and human stupidities, thank God.  It means that underneath appearances, thoughts, life situations, there is a presence within our very own being that is indeed the very image and likeness of the divine.  It's not that we have to reconfigure ourselves to fit that image and likeness model, simply we must realize that our very nature is already the image and likeness of God itself.
We do not find our God-likeness on the level of thought, emotion, or physical bodies...we find that likeness in our most essential beingness.  We are not hidden by some veil, or obstruction, or internal dilemma.  We are merely hidden by our taking ourselves to be what we are not. 
If we take ourselves to be the body, the thoughts in the head, the emotions, our persona,  then we miss our true likeness.  Our likeness is deeper than those superficial phenomena.  It is in truth what all those things arise in.  We could call it simply 'I'. 
To realize that your likeness is truly the likeness of God nature, is to utter the phrase I Am That I Am.  No other image or likeness of ourselves will ever feel complete, but we can realize our completeness by seeing what our true appearance is. 

Enlightenment Destroys Mindfulness

There is a saying from Tibetan Tantra that mindfulness must be kept always.  Until, it is said, enlightenment comes to demolish your mindfulness, one must keep watch always over the tendencies, habits, and impurities of mind. 
Mindfulness and vigilance lead to the spontaneous awakening of our true nature from its nap of self.  When the nap ends, like cold water on your face, there's no need to keep dreaming mindfulness any longer. Is that to say that mindfulness doesn't happen?  No~
It simply means an end to the identity which was being mindful, an end to the self that was watching...at that point of speaking your whole life is mindfulness, which is to say enlightenment is your life.
Does that mean everything is pleasurable? No~
It simply means you're not napping anymore, you've woken up...then the responsibility of living what you really are begins to annoy you.  It annoys you until you really can't take it anymore, then you wake up deeper.  Over and over and over....now, now, now.

Mindfulness can be fancy, can be hard, can be a pleasure, but when the monster of enlightenment comes to eat you up, you are swallowed up whole--mindful or not. 
At this point the ego has the opportunity to try to enlighten itself which is called egomania, which results in intellectual enlightenment and actual delusion.  Or, ego has the opportunity to go along with the whole thing, which can be extraordinarily painful, but completely fresh and awake.  It's really up to how much you're willing to quit indulging fear and hope.
When fear and hope are gone, enlightenment is just being natural.  With no hope and no fear you manifest mindfulness spontaneously, somewhat wildly~
When the nap of our delusion is cut, we don't really need an alarm clock anymore, just a warm cup of tea and a dreadful smile.

There is a Place We Go Together

There is a Place,
we go together.
There, we are complete before each other.
There, you disappear,
and I vanish.
All that's left of us is This~

Your petty stories,
and my ridiculous ideas
get transmuted here,
where there is only the nectar of Truth.

Come on, don't play dumb~
We've been here all along,
Now, we're just opening our eyes.

Tantra

Tantra teaches us to relate tho things as they are.  It teaches us to relate to all of life from the awakened state.  The true view of Tantra sees that there is nothing but the Divine in all things, and the teaching is to relate to everything as Divinity.  It is relating to pleasure, and relating to pain in their most basic, real, original way.  Tantra is challenging in that includes an ever-expanding view of reality, and yet remains intimately aware of the unchanging, formless ground that is eternal reality.  It neither hides out in the transcendent realms, nor is it just a puppet to worldly existence,--it is awake, vibrantly lucid and clear and undisturbed. 
Tantra isn't a philosophy or belief system, it is to relate directly to your experience in a way that is wholehearted, complete, and total.  It doesn't solve our problems for us, if anything it gives us more to deal with in that we don't have any spiritual escape from life.  Tantra has as its basis sanity,  reality, and truth.  It seeks to annhilate spiritual misunderstanding,  it seeks to eradicate loftiness, it seeks to turn our attention toward everything. 
Tantra is simply being involved in life, not just practically, or efficiently, or cunningly, but wholly and entirely.  In Tantra, we have no place to go, nothing to achieve, nothing to realize..Life itself becomes the whole message being related all the time.  Relating to life is what most of us have not yet begun to do because we're still trying to figure out what it means to be spiritual, Tantra teaches us that being spiritual is being touched by life as it appears.  It is no escape, no comfort, no reliable philosophy.  It is the removal of any addition to the already perfect stream of life.  With nothing in the way, we have the true freedom to cry, to explode, and to dance.

Take a Look Around

Our thoughts are so often just a product of our past, or on some concern for the future, that we need to stop and take a look around for a moment.  If we just simply take a look around we would find two very interesting things going on~ On one hand, none of our thoughts are actually happening, and on the the other hand there's a lot more mystery unfolding than we might have imagined. 
To realize that none of the content of our thinking is actually taking place is a great liberation because we don't have to be conditioned and controlled by the past and fears of the future.
To realize that there's a great mystery unfolding before us is a great thrill to our system, and we see that there is a wholeness that always here... even when our thoughts are dwelling in some fearful or excited state there is a reality present in and around us that has nothing to do with our thoughts.
The challenging moment is the one where we have the willingness to stop and take a look around, when everything in our being is telling us to worry, fight, escape, hate, defend.... the willingness itself is a courage and power to transcend our tiny modes of consciousness and open to the vast experience that's happening all around us in, as Kabir writes, "in the tiniest house of time". 

The Dark Night of Experience

There is a dark side to experience
that only the Truth can survive
It will come like Armageddon
and leave Spring in its wake
In the midst of the storm of torment and hell,
there is a most intimate peace~

Very likely we are not going to bump into our true nature and never again have a moment of suffering or delusion or struggle.  Consciousness requires the 'dark night of the soul' in order to transform our illusions by putting a great pressure on us to come into harmony with life itself.  If we can begin to see these 'dark nights' as inclusive within our awakening rather than as obstacles a shift begins to happen where we give up our fight with darkness, and darkness can begin to illuminate our experience.

Stop!

Stop!
Don't look inside,
don't look outside.
Stop all your movement for one moment
and be still.
Tell me then, who are you?
And where have all your problems gone?

The Adoration of All

If you are to truly know the fullest extent of what it means to be awake, you must yearn to adore everything.  It is only then that we begin to see with our true eyes.  The Divine has distaste for nothing, not even the most hideous situations.  Now, our adoration doesn't mean that we are passive, complacent smiling faces, if anything our adoration moves us to serve others, to serve life, to get our hands very dirty. 
The willingness to adore things just as they are is an indispensable quality of the Real.  To adore even what we dislike, even what we may hate, is to see beyond the limitations of our limited two eyes- beyond the limitations of our imperfect perceptions. 
True adoration comes from a place deeper than emotion and thought, from a place that's untainted by our biases and opinions.  This is self-transcendence, this is realizing the emptiness of phenomena, this is seeing perfection amidst imperfection. 
As we deepen in our realization of the All, adoration becomes natural and effortless.  When that adoration penetrates to the depths, we are left deeply grateful for it all.

Don't Know!

When you don't know that you don't know
     that is ignorance
When you know that you don't know
     that is enlightenment
When you know that you know
     that is delusion
When you don't know that you know
     that is gate gate paragate....

Only Stillness is Reliable

If we really want reliable answers to our spiritual questions, there is only one truly reliable answer and it is the silence at the core of our being.  All other answers come and go, apply and don't apply, work and don't work...but Stillness is the one answer than never wanes.  Thing is, it doesn't satisfy our longing to know, it simply frees up the questions, it simply relieves us of our need to know.
If we look deeply, Stillness is already present behind every question, just waiting for the question to vanish so the Silent Answer may be heard.  We obsess over questions that we think need answers, and when we come to see that all answers are at best partial, that only Silence is reliable, it is then that the true answer from the core of our own being is heard.  Not only is it heard, it resounds!

Eat the Fruit Offered to You

Most of our suffering comes from trying to eat of a fruit that has not been offered to us. More often than not our struggles come from wanting things to be other than they are.  Life has this way of reaching out its hand with an apple and saying 'here'...and in our best two year old voice we say 'no, I want an orange'.  And from our desire to have an orange we'll wage war on the apple, the hand, and the one behind the hand.  If we would just stop, open our hand, taste the apple, we'd see that what we really wanted was an apple.  Instead we spend countless hours, days, years, and spiritual practices demanding an orange until one day we get it-but its not at all what we wanted.  Life always knows better than we ourselves do, and it always gives us what we need most, whether that's a little joy or a little suffering.... Until the day comes when we may find our hands forever turned open to whatever fruit is offered.

Mind is God

After having met enough questions, and seen all the ways that our thinking tries to capture the Absolute nature of our being, I have also realized that very subtly I have seen people get the  message "mind is the enemy".   Let's put the mind at ease~ The mind is not an enemy, thoughts are no enemy, there is indeed no enemy.  If we look very deeply we will see that everything is God....mind is God, body is God, thoughts are God, good feelings are God, bad feelings are God.  If we are going to speak with any degree of clarity we must begin with ALL IS GOD. 

Mountainous Vulnerability

In our culture, vulnerability seems to mean something between weak and pathetic.  And because of our spiritual situation that is a somewhat necessary thing in that we have spent so much energy trying to be invulnerable and invincible that to experience our groundless wide open nature feels very threatening to our sense of self and its sense of security.  Most people are completely unwilling to ever be that naked, that exposed, that seen...but for those rare beings who have had the courage and wisdom to live totally naked and totally groundlessly there is a solid mountainous quality to their being.
It's like being around somebody who has no fear, no reservations, no protection, and willing to be a total fool- a total idiot.  The rich quality of warmth and absolute confidence seem to come through the pores of such a one. The irony is that that mountainous sanity comes from being so deeply intimate with your own groundlessness... if you have nowhere to position yourself, where can you be knocked down?  By having no ground, no identity there's no you...when there's no you, who is it that is going to be harmed?
What seems so vulnerable, so threatened within us is the very thing that at the core is unshakable and indestructible in us.  It simply takes the willingness and humility to have all our ego notions crushed, to have all our ground taken away in order to see that what lies deeply within that vaporous fear is solid existence, Reality itself.

The Myths about Enlightenment

The myths about enlightenment are an epidemic in spirituality.  Spirituality itself is a sort of epidemic that we are seeking to relieve ourselves from.  One of the things that we absolutely refuse to believe is that our notions of enlightenment are elaborate escape hatches from reality.  We want bliss, we want ecstasy, we want a quiet mind, we want to walk on water, but can we want what is right in front of us?  That's the rub that most people in the spiritual game are bent on ignoring~  In search of some relief from suffering we go searching for something more, better, and different than what is right in front of our faces....this is the real cause of all our anger, fear, and anxiety.  We are looking for something that doesn't exist, and we have no clue about what is right in front of us all the time. 
The myths about enlightenment are like a toy store for the mind, holding endless promise as to a better life, a better 'me'...a me that is happy all the time, nice all the time, never sad, never hurt.  This may be true of some comic book superhero, or comic book buddha, but these fantasies are addictions of our ego.  We somehow have enlightenment set up as an endless orgasm.
I have never met anybody who, when truly willing to see what is RIGHT HERE, found it to be not enough.  Right now is what we've always been looking for if we can drop all of our notions about what right now should be.  What is already so is more than enough, question is:  Can you stop fantasizing long enough to see it?  It only takes an instant.

Unconditional Love

One of the things that I have have found to be so deeply true is that whether we are speaking of romantic love or unconditional spiritual love, what we are really talking about is the willingness and courage to be unconditionally open, fiercely vulnerable, and radically tender with ourselves and others.  The great master Chogyam Trungpa spoke extensively of the 'shaky tenderness' that underlies our whole life situation, and the way to direct our lives toward that tenderness with fearlessness and confidence.  In holding ourselves with utmost vulnerability and openness, we discover that we have the capacity to be Love itself.  We discover our capacity to be 100% available to ourselves, others, and life. 
Love often sounds so sweet, so mushy...but, if we look into the depths of unconditional love we call on our warrior-ship as a way to live our lives totally uninhibited, open, and free.  Our willingness to love includes our willingness to hurt, and if we allow ourselves to find the great courage to not turn away from fear or hurt, we manifest within ourselves the capacity to be buddhas and to approach life from a standpoint of radical, fierce love. 

Awareness Behind Thought

As far as what we need to know in playing the spiritual game, there's only one piece of information needed....behind every thought is Awareness. When we have thoughts it is Awareness that observes the thought~ That is what we truly are, and every thought we think is ultimately like a movie on a screen--- even though the movie seems real, when it's over the blank screen is all that remains.

Relating to Teachers

The relationship between a student and teacher can take a vast array of forms and modes.  Everybody uses a teacher in their own unique way.  Some practice deep devotion, while others use a teacher much like asking for directions.  However a teacher is used, what is of deep importance is that the student unites with the mind of the teacher.  In this way, there is no need to be a sheep, nor is there a need to act like or live as the teacher does.  What is essential is our ability to bring our mind into connection with the vastness of the teacher's mind.  To see as the teacher sees.  It is unnecessary to have the same opinions or preferences as the teacher, but if we cannot unite with his or her essence, we cannot manifest our true nature.  So a teacher is an indispensable tool for seeing our delusion, and seeing the sanity that underlies the teachers apparent life situation.  In some traditions 'guru yoga' is a central practice for surrendering your illusions and awakening wisdom.  Guru yoga doesn't necessarily mean you dress like the teacher, or walk like the teacher, or believe what the teacher tells you to believe...all these things have been tried to no avail.  But in 'guru yoga' you become the teacher, and he or she becomes you.  You realize that underneath the chasm of differences in body, action, and superficial appearances you are exactly the same Mind.  You must be willing to give up your self in order to see what the teacher is pointing you to....and by so doing, you realize that your self was an illusion and that you and the teacher are ultimately the very same Self.

Who Are You Without a Past or Future?

We all have many answers to the question who are you?  Everything that we can think of such as our age, our job, our sex, our name, our values, our experiences, our history, our dreams, etc.  But really none of these answers is truly sufficient to describe who one truly is.  Each of these descriptions is a snapshot.  My question is, who are you wholly?  Who are you without using some description from your past or some idea of your future.  Who, What are you right in this moment?  Who are you when you don't refer to the thoughts in your head to tell you who you are? 
If you suddenly found yourself with amnesia and you had no way of recollecting your past and no way to build a future, what would you be? 
So much of our attention goes into recreating the past and generating a future so that we can maintain the thread of our sense of self.  If we were to simply direct that same energy to what is here, now and always, we would be living our lives truly as an alive radiant Presence. 
Are we willing to give up both our history and legacy as well as our fantasy of the future, and finally see what is eternally true right here?
It is a great challenge to die to the past and die to the future and live as what you always have been underneath the cloak of your history and fantasy.
It is only then that we are really seeing ourselves as we really are, and then that we can be free of the burdens of the past and the burdens of the future.
Without a past or future life could seem confusing, disorienting....but it can also be extraordinarily free and deeply rich.